Self-Awareness- Cultivating Emotional Intelligence

To know thyself seems to mean something unique to each person. The value in the words comes directly from the process of self-reflection.

Folks who have the most need of increased self-awareness are the least likely to know it.

As you move forward in your journey to become more self-aware, you may find your emotions often standing in your way. We are both rational and emotional beings, and a part of our goals in life should be to meet our emotional selves, fearless, and grow in emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is one’s ability to identify, analyze, process, and modify or influence one’s own emotional state to produce a rational result. The importance of growing your emotional intelligence cannot be overstated.

Mastering and harnessing your own emotional reactions to stimuli is key in good decision making, leadership, conflict resolution, and debate. Having the skill to identify your own emotional state and react rationally is the fastest way to achieving your own goals.

So how do you cultivate emotional intelligence? You might have heard this before, but step one is to silence the negative, useless self-talk. Mute that inner voice that delivers nothing but baseless and arbitrary judgments on your own status and worth. That voice doesn’t truly know you or want what is best for you. That is why you are here, to change your inner dialogue to reflect the truth about yourself so you can move forward.

To know your emotional condition, it is essential that you change the questions that you ask yourself, especially when under duress.  

Exchange the “why?” for “what?”

Try “what is happening?” instead of “why is this happening?”

Instead of “why am I feeling this way?” ask “what am I feeling?”

Maybe the reason you’ve not been getting answers in your own life is because you’ve been asking yourself the wrong questions.

This is a simple, basic place to start.

It is imperative that you withhold self-condemnation at this stage of investigation. To become the master of your own emotional intelligence, resist self-judgment and just observe your own condition.

“Know thyself, and be temperate." -Plato

It should be noted here, that what you find within yourself, you may not like. Stay honest. Self-discovery can be a heartbreaking and nasty process. The truth is, underneath our foolish belief that we are all basically good, lies the reality of what we are all capable of.

Everyone with influence over another life is capable of doing great harm.

To truly “know thyself” has been said to be the art of precise communication. Start with your own self, then you’ll be free to ethically, efficiently, and effectively communicate and interact with others.

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Man Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

Heart Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash 

5 Life-Changing Benefits to Becoming Self-Aware

When you grow in self-realization, it’s like waking up slowly.

1. When you are growing in self-awareness you are better able to understand and empathize with others. You have in that place the opportunity to become more patient and forgiving of others foibles.

When you invest your time and effort in developing self-awareness and you learn to relate better with others, you find yourself trusting more, forgiving more, and deepening the human connections you’ve made.

2. A curious benefit arises from this however, and it comes from the fact that it is through quality relationships with others that we find out the most about ourselves. Our true selves are revealed as we allow those special few to draw close to us.  

Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, most of us are in positions of leadership.

Stop reading and think for a moment who looks up to you, is guided by you, or even relies on you for survival (children, friends or family dealing with addiction or depression, elderly parents etc.)

3. Self-awareness makes your leadership skills closer to what they need to be for each person that depends on you. You become better able to understand what their needs are and you can more clearly see the path to providing what is best for them.

We, in turn, are each guided in some way by our spouses, our siblings, our parents, bosses, friends, ministers, and law enforcers. The list goes on.

4. Knowing yourself well means you are open to appropriate and honest correction and instruction, are willing to learn, and are open to course correction. It means you are more gracious, humble, teachable, and that you will never travel life alone.

Because of your natural sense of public self-awareness, other people’s opinions about you will always matter to you. This is especially true regarding those in a close relationship with you.

There is a great deal of fear of judgement and condemnation that needs to be overcome if we wish to cultivate the relationships in our lives.
Knowing the inner man is one of the best ways to silence this fear of critique.

5. When you have come to a full knowledge and understanding of yourself, you will better be able to accept and process another person’s or group's opinions of you. You already know the truth, and there is nothing to fear.

“When there is no enemy within, the enemy without can do no harm.”

-African proverb-

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Leader Photo by Jehyun Sung on Unsplash
Navigation Photo by Jehyun Sung on Unsplash

Defining Self-Awareness

What is self-awareness?

Self-awareness is the ability to rationally acknowledge, assess, and understand the inner, private self.

"... a conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires." -Oxford Dictionary.

Self-awareness is the foundation which needs to be laid in order for you to make habit changes, behavior changes, and to develop self-efficacy and self-control.

Public self-awareness of is when you are aware of (or think you are aware of) how you appear to others. It is the urge you feel to be accepted and approved of by your tribe and community. It is a natural and functional awareness, and necessary for your own survival in society.

In its correct place, public self-awareness should be of secondary importance to your private self-awareness. When making decisions and judgements, what you believe and know about yourself is far more important than what you believe and know about what others think.

Self-awareness is not the same thing as self-consciousness. When people talk about “self-consciousness” they are commonly referring to an overdeveloped sense of public self-awareness. Those who rely disproportionately on the fluid and unscrupulous public or popular opinion tend to develop a controlling, and sometimes debilitating, sense of being watched, judged, and found unacceptable in some way by their tribe.

“To ‘know thyself’ is a warning to pay no attention to the multitude.” -The Suda-

If you desire to make changes in your life, the best place to start is within yourself.

Start by making a list of your strengths and weaknesses. This forces you to confess your shortcomings and also view, perhaps for the first time, all that you have to offer. Look back over the last few years. Which accomplishments are you most proud of? What values and beliefs about yourself do your answers reflect?

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Crowd photo by José Martín Ramírez C on Unsplash

How Parents Can Live in the Moment

People say all the time to “live in the moment.” I can’t tell you how

many older parents have said to me, “enjoy them while they are

young; the little years are over so quickly.” I have to admit, my

frazzled brain secretly scoffs when I hear this well intentioned

advice.

I’m in the trenches. Most days I don’t even look in the mirror much less

pause to appreciate all of the little blessings or smell the roses.

On the other hand, I know they are right. Along my fitness

journey I’ve experienced and benefited

from this same truth. The destination means nothing without the

quality of life achieved by the journey. If you think about it,

living is the only point in goal setting.

I want to see this better in my role as mother. My kids are much

better people than me. They are more honest, more forgiving, and

more trusting. They have so much to offer me

and the outside world. It is just really hard to see and hear it among

the din of laughter over butts and poop and farting.

 I think the key is to determine what my reigning beliefs about child

rearing are and keep those beliefs always in the front of my mind.

I need to have parenting goals that I am trying to reach in relation

to understanding my children and showing appreciation of their

individual strengths.

“To journey happily may be better even than achieving the desired destination.”

Jordan Peterson

Angus is seven. He is the most affectionate human being I’ve ever met.

He is a high energy fellow, but not in explosive power as much as in

endurance. He has a fire in him that I love and admire so much. He

will grow up to be a powerhouse worker and friend. He is intelligent

and driven and we are constantly reminding him of

“stranger danger”. He is just too friendly. Unfortunately, his brothers

don’t really appreciate this power like I do. Angus annoys and pesters

a lot of people.

Angus knows how to live “in the moment.” He loves people without

reservation, he expects the best of them. He is not easily burned or

beaten. He is quick to laugh and quick to hug it out. Angus lives fully

in every moment.

I think living in the moment and enjoying the journey comes down to

gratitude and mindfulness. I need to slow down and just watch them

play and work, and look in their eyes when they ask for my attention.

I need to play games with them and work alongside of them.

Living in the moment is less about snapping pictures and taking cute

videos and more about nourishing the bonds with your kids that you

can’t exactly see, only see the signs of.

How can you savor the little years when
the kids are the most needy and the little troubles grate constantly
on your psyche? The answer is to fully accept the challenge of
parenthood by realizing that the only way the future carries any hope
with it is when you see every trial, every challenge as just as important
as the the destination.