What Your Kids Actually Need

I filmed and shared a portion of my workout yesterday on my Instagram. I had my six year old push play and push stop so I didn’t have to edit it much.

He forgot to push stop on cue and I said, “Hello? What the heck, Kon?” I caught it on film. I watched it later and saw the look on my face. I was annoyed, but came off as a total tyrant.

It made me think about what my kids actually need, what they actually see when they look at me.

I’m here to teach them how to function in society, carry themselves with honor, and get to Heaven in the end. A child’s experience with their mother lays the foundation for the rest of their lives. I will establish how they think and feel about women, how they feel about themselves and think about their place in the world.

So what do my kids actually need from me? They need to trust that I’ll always love them and be there when they need me. They most need my time, attention, and affection. They actually need me, at my best. These needs are costly, but this is what they are owed.

How can I best serve my kids?

• By being present, looking them in the eyes when they talk to me.
• Smiling at them. It's that simple.
• Speaking to them with civility, respect, and patience.
• Playing with them when they are young, caring for them, and giving them the best of my time and attention.

Mary, Mother

My favorite sacred mystery is the wedding at Cana. It’s a unique story.

Mary and Jesus attend a wedding where the host runs out of wine. Mary confronts her Son, knowing He has the power to remedy the problem. At first He seems to protest. She seems to ignore Him, knowing he will mind her. She tells the servants to do what He commands them and He performs His first public miracle by turning water into wine. She essentially releases Him, kicking off His journey to the cross.

Mary is shown briefly in her role as a mother, being in that moment just what her Son needed her to be, a boss.

As cliche as it sounds, what my kids actually need is me at my best. For me this means:

• I need to keep account of my time and be sure that I am sleeping enough.
• I need to be sure I am not over-consuming sugar and caffeine so I can avoid mood peaks and crashes that usually and unjustly come down around their little heads.
• I need to endeavor to keep my hormones balanced, by eating a plant-rich diet and routinely practicing heart-healthy exercise.  

• I need to practice weight-bearing exercise to grow strong bones and muscles so I can avoid injury and undue deterioration as I age.
• I need to pray for my children daily, to turn my heart and mind toward them at the start of every day.

• And when the time comes, I must be willing to release them to do what God has called them to. I must let them go.

Taking care of ourselves isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. This is what your kids actually need from you. Your peace of mind, your self-control, your self-care, your robust sense of humor, your good example, your good health, and your good will. They actually need your best. Take care of yourself.   

Mary as Mother Photo by guille pozzi on Unsplash
Mother and Daughter, Bonding Photo by Grant Whitty on Unsplash

Fitness, Simplified

I amaze myself. I know what to eat and which exercises to do to reach my goals. I know how often to workout and for how long.

Don’t get me wrong, I will always be a student. My typical excuse for not reaching out to others is that I don’t have anything of value to say.

Even so, every few weeks I google “what to eat to build muscle” or “best workout for fat loss.” I read the same things over and over looking for a magic idea that will change my life.

I give people fitness and diet advice all of the time. I know what is real and what proof has been found in the pudding. And yet I always find myself thinking that I need to go back to the drawing board, that I must be doing something wrong, that the wheel needs to be reinvented. I don’t and it doesn’t.

What I lack in patience, fortitude, and focus I try to make up for in thinking if I just cut a little more from my diet or workout on a rest day that I’ll reach my goals faster. Maybe, instead of over-compensating for my lack of character I actually do trust the process.

If you currently are developing tunnel vision when it comes to fitness or nutrition, step back and consider that you actually already know what to do. You know what is healthy to eat, you know how to move your body. You know you need sleep, routine, friendship, love, peace, quiet, fun, adventure, and sunshine. I know it and you know it.

Lets not get distracted by all the artificial lights and sweeteners, they just keep us from living fully. Don’t complicate, simplify. You aren’t a rocket or a computer, and you don’t need a 50 step program to reach your goals. Go back to basic principles, review your reasons for beginning, and take several deep breaths. You already know, you’ve got this.