Mothers and the Sexual Icon Disorder

I've got a little problem. I think it may be a problem that many, if not most, women have in common. We seem to be viewing our level of sexual appeal as the determining factor for how valuable we are as human beings. In this whore-ific Kardashian kulture, its not difficult to see where this type of thinking will lead us.

 Don't get me wrong. All women want to be desirable, especially to their spouses. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is exactly right. We were made that way, and it is good. The problem arises when our priorities become disordered and we begin to think that if we are not sexy then we are somehow letting others down, that we aren't trying hard enough. The social atmosphere around us seems to be saying that to be sexy and desirable is the highest state women can achieve. One need not look any further than the women who are celebrated these days for proof of our society's "high" standard for females. Of course some know better, but I find it challenging from time to time, to remember that I am worth so much more than how I look.

 This struggle never hits me harder than during pregnancy and the postpartum months. Not only are my capabilities compromised, but I LOOK like I've been compromised. I watch helplessly as all of the hard work I put into building muscle and burning fat disappear. My daughter is just a few short years away from puberty, and I don't ever want her to wonder what is so great about her. I don't want her to think that if she shows a little more leg or wears a tighter shirt that people (boys) will like her better. I want her to enter adulthood with a strong sense of who she is and what God expects of her. I want her to view herself through the lens of her dignity and self-respect.

 I turn 31 at the end of June and I have decided to declare war on my own traces of this disordered point of view. I have decided to go the next year, six months pregnant and six months postpartum, without makeup. I only wear makeup one or two days a week, so this is not much of a sacrifice. But every time I see bad skin and circles under my eyes I am going to remember that all of the sacrifices and efforts I make to maintain a healthy diet, daily exercise, getting enough sleep, and taking time to rest, is for the sake of my health not so I can look attractive according to other people.

Lest you be concerned for my marriage, my husband travels a lot for work. When he is home he only notices if I put makeup on if my doing so makes us late for church. His loving attention has never faltered whether I weighed 130 or 180 (nine months pregnant). He is constant, and he doesn't care. And lets be clear, I take showering and shaving very seriously. This isn't a hippy boycott. Its a good old fashioned fast.

I am not saying that everyone should join me in this. But I will issue a challenge. Be good to yourself and realize that you are so much more than the way you look. Work for good health so you can be a better mother, a more lively lover, full of self-respect, and happier with who and what you are becoming. Don't get discouraged when you don't see progress on the scale or in the mirror. Becoming healthier is a lifetime pursuit. Don't dishonor yourself by striving to meet someone else's standard (insert comment about waist training here). Yes, our sexuality is our primary power over men, and I would encourage all women to keep their urge to use it under control and in its place. It's place is very low on the list of virtues and amazing female capabilities that make us useful and valuable human beings.